Okay going to make a real effort to use some grammar in this post. The last one was a little bit abstract. I been doing infinitely better in the last few days in terms of mobility energy and mood. It's so nice to be home that I really any space at hospital to digests bad news.

But yes it's been a much better few days I went to a friend surprise birthday party briefly on Monday which was delightful to see some familiar faces and be out in the world, though I'm pretty supersensitive at the moment which is frustrating I like to think it's just because of the stress of the situation and how tired I am because of radiotherapy, but I am much snappier than usual with a much shorter temper stupid things annoy me a great deal more than he should and I'm much more quick to tears-I bawled my eyes out during the help which I had not seen, even the news is a bit much at times. I know that this is all perfectly reasonable considering the circumstances but considering the location of some of the brain lesions changes I noticed myself added more frightening. I don't think I've mentioned or my father have mentioned in previous posts exactly where in the brain the lesions have occurred, there are 4 of them there is the main one which is on the right-hand side causing pressure to move related bits, one at the back near the occipital lobe which is the cause of the difficulties with site and reading, one more to the left somewhere and one on the frontal lobe which is frightening as that's where personality and memory reside and all those higher functions.

Now I think I explained the reason the answer was so sudden with the physical problems was because there was a bleed in one of the tumours causing rapid swelling and increase in pressure on an area. We can then happily assume that with the treatment and the dexamethasone the swelling will go, the tumour will go and the symptoms will go leaving no permanent damage. I do sure more confident of this everyday I'm able now to to do my own buttons up on my jeans and I even made myself a cup of coffee this morning use of my left side and my reading has all improved wonderfully and I have a lot more confidence just moving around.

The pain in my shoulder has all but gone hopefully this means the radiotherapy was as super effective as we had hoped and the tumour that was there is no more-what a lovely thought-however I'm still on a fair amount of drugs mostly for my legs actually and hip I'm not entirely sure what this pain is being caused by though there is that probable tumour in the right femur which would explain something of it and also just lack of use and flexibility is a problem. I'm trying to walk around the house more and do more walking from point a to B though I do sometimes get quite lightheaded quite quickly or feel the pressure in my head build which is quite disconcerting and this always means I have to sit down and I'm doing better as I said a number of times already today on this front as well.

The radiotherapy is going very smoothly, I arrive, they wheeled me in I lie on the table, they tell me to shuffle this way and that I lay my head on a little stand thingy and then they pinned my head in place with my weird mask cage thing. I really want to take a picture it's such a strange looking thing but there isn't really time and I don't think I meant to have a phone on in the rooms anyway. They then leave the room to buzzing noise and bright light comes on accompanied by strange smell, it all lasts maybe 20 seconds before they are back and taking off my mask and I'm off again.

I actually had a really lovely day yesterday after radio mum and I drove to Fishwick and had a lovely lunch followed by picking up a very late birthday cake from the flute, it was all quite perfect actually managed to get parks so we didn't have to go in the wheelchair far there was room for me at the cafe without having to worry about manoeuvring around lots of tables. Plus since it was in Fishwick and not town there was no risk of running into people I knew and so didn't have to feel self-conscious. Though I did manage small a outing on Monday the idea of much social interaction especially unplanned is utterly exhausting at this point. The cake was also delicious super creamy carrot cake. Perfect. After that is we went home and I spent a couple of hours alone in the house which was nice just being my own company again watching madmen and getting excited for when my latest mod cloth shipment arrives hopefully next week.

Just to top the day off we had some visitors drop by with with gifts of food for the family (thanks so much Hannah and Debbie, highlight everything is delicious) and of course their delightful company. It is my hope that I will have energy to entertain at some point over the next week but right now socialising is all quite exhausting, I get home from radiotherapy in the afternoon and I need a nap or at least several hours in front of the television before I really have energy even to interacting with family properly. Besides it's taking me a little while to adjust mentally this new situation, naturally the possibility of of cancer returning was one I was quite used to there was always an assumption there would be some months break at least, but then there may be a break yet. I finished these 10 rounds of radiotherapy next Thursday I think, I believe the follow up appointment with my oncologist will be the following Thursday on the 16th-is that right?-And at this appointment we will no doubt be booking in my next pet scan. It will be this scan that will determine the next steps in the treatment. It will show the effect the radio has had on the brain lesions as well as the scapula and what kind of activity is happening in those spots in my arms and legs as well as if there is any particularly worrying activity in the primary site where we were going to go to Melbourne to treatment for. Mum and I still have dreams of a holiday in Melbourne and it is entirely possible just not a priority.

I'm not sure once again what details I have and have not included in regards to the brain radio, I would have thought there would be quite a lot of major potential side-effects in treating the brain but the only major one is the possibility of cataracts in a decade or so which really isn't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, there is also hair loss in the areas treated then up to me as of yet, I have eyebrows! Which is kind of fun though I must admit I did not miss having to pluck ha ha. My head feels a little bit like a baby ducks at the moment supersoft short pale hair.

Now this seems like quite a long post, I suppose that's bound to happen since I'm just babbling into a microphone, hopefully though, this post will be a little less free-flowing and make a bit more sense. Hope everyone is well XX