NNNgggrraaawwwr.

Its day one of this cycle and being back in hospital. It was gross. Hospital is gross. Chemo is gross. But it was also kinda short. The wonderful news is that I dont have to be in hospital till 3 30 tomorrow and then 2 the next day. I had three drugs today and only have one that doesn't take long tomorrow and the next. Yay :) I didn't get my own bed, which is understandable since i wasn't there long and apparently there was someone else there even younger than I with family there so its. I would have thought I'd feel better to see someone close to my age on the ward rather than these old and very calm people, but I cant say that seeing other young people in my position brings me any joy.

I'm mostly just very tired and dizzy with this "cloudy" or "thick" brain sensation I'm sure we've all experienced but cant quite explain. Though my tummy feels a little funny I think its mostly because the tape and adhesive things they put over and around my port (I may just just up a picture so you know what i'm talking about) smell like hospital and makes me hate things.



We're trying these acupressure antinausea wristbands [pictured] which I've decided DEFINITELY WORK so at the very least I oughtta get some placebo effect. There is also the usual array of anti nausea pills and pills to make sure my highly toxic treatment doesn't destroy my insides. Except this time minus the lorazepam, which was helpful before for countering the effects of the steroid like pill and the anxiety of hospital and sleeping etc, but I really shouldn't get too used to the benzo's.

After the chemo we had an appointment with my haematologist. He's really great; very clear and informative and personable. he was there to tell me about the autologous stem cell transplant. Turns out a treatment option I was not previously aware of is being considered, and in his opinion really should happen. If it really decreases the chances of reoccurrence (which is higher for me because its spread to bone in places) I am all for it- but its a little scary sounding. They are considering whats referred to, quite simply, as High Dose Chemotherapy. And not just like what I'm having now which people keep referring to as "aggressive".

Remember this is a maybe at this point. Not to sound frightening, but its essentially a does that will utterly wipe out my white blood cells and if I were not to be in hospital would be fatal, but its also found to be great for completely eradicating cancers like these. And since I'm young and all that, I will bounce back just fine. But I'l spend 3 to four days getting this really strong chemo, then three or four weeks in a special room at the end of 6B, which is essentially like a bubble. I'l have a pretty poor immune system see, I'm not sure how it works with nurses and things but if this DOES happen dont worry, I'l have SOME means of internet access. And I dont imagine there'd be much visiting at first while my bone marrow essentially grows back.

So an interesting day. I'm really tired. Not sure if thats more the chemo drugs or the emotion and energy spent on being in hospital and finally having a health professional acknowledge that there is a perfectly real possibility this wont be over after these chemos. Which, as it turns out there are 5 of now, and then all my doctors will get together and reach a decision as to what treatment would indeed be most effective, and after whatever they decided probably another four chemos.

I expect the next post will at the end of the week sometime when i start to recover.

Hope everyone everywhere is doing well,

lots of love x