Two Weeks

Two weeks ago, I was panicking about money and travel insurance and my upcoming trip to Peru. I was that bit extra concerned, as the day before I'd been diagnosed with pneumonia by my GP and was afraid I wouldn't make a full enough recovery before my departure in June.

The next day I got up and my mum drove me to the hospital. We found the place, waited, I put on the silly gown and they took the xray. I remember feeling very tired immediately after but feeling silly having to sit down after so short a period of time. The xray came up on the screen, and the nurse looked at it. And looked at it. And then beckoned another radiology nurse over to have a look. They both turned to face me, revealing the screen and two very anxious faces.

"...you are seeing the doctor today aren't you?"
"no, my appointment is on monday"
"no no, you need to see a doctor today. I'l call emergency- they'l put you right through."

The left lung was almost completely white in the xray, but the nurses didn't have any information on what it might mean so they ushered my mother and I through to the emergency room. The nurse they'd phoned was waiting for me to come through, but took a while to guess it was me- the xray she'd seen didn't match how well I appeared to be.

I was sent into the Multi-Purpose room where I had a variety of doctors and nurses come see me, a thorough history taken, many blood tests etc and then eventually a CT scan. Hours later what this came to show was that there was a large mass in my left chest, pushing down my left lung and wrapping around my aorta. Quite a jump from pneumonia. As it turned out they felt I'd do better at the other hospital, TCH, as they had specialists in the area or something, so I was transferred to TCH IN THE FROM SEAT OF AN AMBULANCE. Ambulance drivers are the most cheery people in the world as it turns out. One used to live and work in South Africa, but it was too intense so he moved country.

So, I dont remember what order things happened over the next few days- the initial diagnosis was some form of Lymphoma, most probably Hodgkin's, which is very very treatable and curable and the one delta goodrem had, which somehow made it feel a bit better. There was a biopsy on the monday, which took a few days to turn up results. When it did, it showed the initial diagnosis was not quite right.

As it turns out, I have what's called a Primitive Neuroectodermal Tumor, but since its not in my brain (thankgoodness) its peripheral, and therefore almost identical to Ewing Sarcoma. Well, there are two actually. The main one in my chest, and another much much smaller one in my left arm somewhere. Its quite uncommon, with dr's in Canberra seeing one case every year or twoish. Thankfully its not so uncommon there is no precedent and they have treatment and all that.

Dont stress, its not a big cell invady type of cancer. It is not in my lung, nor will it sneak into my lung or other organs. The damage it does is entirely mechanical, getting in the way of the lung and major vain and such.

The primary treatment is chemotherapy, which I started last friday, which is brutal. But it should begin to work very quickly, with rapid shrinkage of the tumours. After they shrink, it gets more complicated with making it disappear completely and they have to wait and see and consult with Sydney docs to work out if radiation therapy and/or surgery and so forth will be necessary.

I was discharged from Canberra Hospital yesterday with lots of pills and a bit of optimism from my Dr, who is really very good.

My temperature was all over the place last night (so we think, though we didn't have a thermometer at the time to check) so we headed into the nearest emergency room to get checked out. After many horrid hours of failed blood tests and anxiety and nausea and more xrays, they decided I didn't really have an infection (which is baaaaadddd at this point following chemo). So I was sent home (with MORE pills) but some more peace of mind.

So that's the last two weeks. Its a bit scary, and a bit huge. And I am too tired and queasy right now to reply to all the lovely messaged you are sending, so I'm going to keep this blog to keep you all updated at once, without having to fill facebook with gloomy cancer stuff. Too much. But yeah, life turns out to be too short to fear people judging you for over sharing on the internet. I think it will help me communicate whats going on to my friends, and help me keep perspective and a sense of clarity and continuity.

Peru is cancelled, the chemo will last about 12 weeks and from there its all unknown. But I've moved my program with World Youth International forward to next year, so I will just have to be better by next November. Which I'm ok with.