The Idea of Cancer

I dont think the reason behind the title of this blog makes sense to a lot of people at first glance. And I think its important that it does. You see, I'm someone who is lucky enough to be able to say, that in my particular situation, the idea of cancer is probably more dangerous than my cancer itself.

I am not being a fool- I do not pretend there is no danger or that the coming year is going to be difficult for myself, my family and those close to me. But in reality, I have to be incredibly grateful I do not have what one immediately assumes when they hear the word "cancer". Which is in most minds a death sentence. My cancer is not going to invade and destroy the cells of my organs, it is and will continue to respond well to chemotherapy and though its quite common in the kind of sarcoma I have, it is not in or near my brain. Or even my CNS.

When you hear the word cancer you freeze and think of all those episodes of house where the cancer came on so quickly or so strong and the chemo wouldn't take and the transplant was difficult because they were a smoker and the blood type was rare etc. Or, you might think of young children with leukaemia or the elderly with lung cancer or bowel cancer or something horrible. Or women of any age with cervical cancer who lose their fertility. It is horrible and it happens all the time and I am so, so lucky that none of those are me.

You think of a growth in my chest pressing against my lung (but in no way at the time of diagnosis crippling me) which responds well to chemo and you consider my age and location and lack of complications and you dont feel too bad. As soon as cancer is involved the feeling changes. Its scary. Even though I know this the word freaks me out, and I'm sure without the here provided explanations it would freak a lot of you out too.

Yes, I am very sick. Yes, I wish I wasn't. Yes, chemo is horrible and I hate hospitals but the idea of cancer is worse than what i have, and that is why I am lucky, really.