Well hello everyone. I'm sorry its been so long since my last post. I dont really have a specific excuse except that I keep not thinking to do it. I think thats a good thing. I'm not thinking about my illness in between rounds so much lately. Its good, my attention span has improved a lot. I feel much more... normal, I suppose. Last chemo was fairly unpleasant. But it always is. The taste is worse with this new protocol. Even thinking the word chemo I can taste it in the back of my mouth. Its horrid. The nausea isn't so overwhelming either, but the fatigue felt as bad as it ever has. I was getting quite upset in the few days before xmas; I was on the couch watching tv for 4 or 5 days and there were lots of xmas cooking programs on. I wanted very much to make myself useful and do some cooking but I couldn't, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be well enough to do much eating on xmas day. Thankfully I felt much better on christmas day itself and did a bit of eating and had a very pleasant day. For christmas I got a hatstand, four books a talking book and a cd. Good haul I think. The hatstand was very much needed- I have so many scarves and hats I had no where to put them. The day was spent doing not very much, mostly watching tv with the family and eating I think! I dont remember so far back as what I was doing before the last round. I remember an appointment with my oncologist which i mean to blog about but never did where we discussed radiotherapy a bit more. We haven't yet had the radio-oncology appointment yet so we dont know where it will take place (fingers crossed for melbourne) but it will be every day for about four weeks. The earlier radiotherapy was divided into just five rounds so as to be much quicker because they needed to shrink the tumour in my L3 to heal the fracture, but as this time there is no such fracture and also no more chemo after radio it'l take place over about a month. For those who didn't read earlier posts where i think I covered this, we have to go interstate to get this second bunch of radiotherapy because the location of this round is the chest wall where the tumour was pulled away from during my lobectomy. Since I breath, the area is constantly moving making it significantly more complicated to treat with radiotherapy. Though we have the machine here, the oncologist is uncertain that the radio people have had much practice using it- something to do with the instructions of formulas or whatever they type in so it turns of when the targeted location moves out of the way of the lasers. It doesn't particularly bother me. The radio department here in canberra is as unfamiliar to me as one in another city really, since I was so ill during most of my short treatment there and appointments with the dr's always seemed to be post treatment when I was exhausted. Honestly I didn't like the people there as much anyway. A month away could be difficult, in that I wont have so many friends around as frequently and I wont be in the comfort of my own home, but if its melbourne it'l be nice to see old friends, and maybe do some shopping. The hospital I expect I'd be at if it were melbourne is very close to the CBD so there'd be places to wander and shopping to do without having to worry about transport and such. I'm really not keen in sydney. Not a city I much like, and the hospital there could use with a bunch more funding. And I know my way around the melbourne CBD alright anyway so i wouldnt get horrendously lost wondering the streets. Since the daily dose will be so much slighter and the location wont effect my digestive system it is likely I wont experience any nausea, which would be so incredibly indescribably fantastic, but they also said that the last round wouldn't be as bad as what i'd already gone through with chemo. It was. Fatigue seems more likely to be a problem. But again, considering the dose, its tempting to believe that I wont just spend the month immobile on a couch that isn't mine. But I'm reluctant to get my hopes up. The worst of my year of treatment is surely over, following the surgery-then-chemo-then-spinal-fracture-then-radio-then-chemo-then-dehydration-then-anaemic couple of months, but there are lot of shades of awful between how I feel now, how I could feel with radio and how I did feel during that time. I'l know how to prepare myself mentally for it better when I know where I'm going. Though really I wont be able to start making plans until I've started the treatment and get a feel for how much it'l effect me. I think I will have to approach it expecting exhaustion. Some nausea could be ok and some physical pain is manageable because you can still have control mentally and focus on maintaining a calm and dissociating yourself from it as best you can. You can still communicate and enjoy the world a bit. When you're at that level of exhaustion though, you're too tired for mental discipline or meditation or communicating with people or enjoying melbourne's excellentness. Its harder to see the silver lining. But its not likely to be that bad. I dont remember any thing else we talked about at the appointment. Nothing else really to report. My breathing sounds different though, and its very tedious waiting for my nerves to do their reconnecting and healing and stuff. Still a lot of places I have absolutely no feeling. I'm mostly used to it now, but itd be nice if it wasn't all permanent. Its so bizare how I didn't notice these pains when I had my spine at all. The brain is an amazing thing. Hope everyones holidays were/are lovely, and thank you for the christmas messages :) xx